Happy Birthday, lady! You’re husband thought long and hard about what to get you for your special day and finally narrowed it down to two gifts: a diamond ring and me. Well I think at this point it’s pretty obvious what his decision was. Me! Well, actually he got you both presents but I stole the diamond ring and buried it somewhere in the backyard. So now it’s just me!
This is just the first of many inconveniences you have to look forward to in the next 12-15 years. I’m so adorable! Look at me with my big red bow on. How cute am I? Oh, by the way I was poking through your closet upstairs and I must say, you have some nice duds. And I also noticed that you just bought a new pair of Jimmy Choo’s. I’m not implying anything but they sure did look tasty – I mean pretty. Mmmmmm, shoes. Look how snuggly I am!
Oh and by the way I’m not exactly housebroken yet so when you notice that little stain in the living room, don’t blame me! Taking me to obedience school sure is going to be expensive!
Hey remember how you used to sleep late? Well, too bad. Because I’m going to need to be walked at 7 AM for the rest of my life. Won’t that be fun? I knew you thought so. Feel how silky my fur is. Have fun keeping it clean. I love rolling around in the dirt, don’t you?
What a well thought out gift idea I am! Oh. Don’t forget the cost of food and doctors and toys and medicine and thousands of dollars worth of chewed up furniture. What a sweetheart your husband is! I’m going to go now and take a nap on your pillow. Hey, I heard you have a dog allergy! I’m so cute.
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